Life Lessons from the Bounty Hunter and Mr. Rogers
There's this old country singer that i really liked named Tom T. Hall. His nickname was "The Storyteller" and it's because his songs were actually these great stories about all the people that he met, and all the wisdom that these people imparted upon him. I wish I could write songs like that.
I'm just trying my best to remember the things that i'm learning here in the Lone Star State.
The Bounty Hunter, Train Robber, Maintenance guy, neighbor of mine RM should seriously write some songs. He's done the real learnin. As he told me the story of his double murder self defense (posted somewhere below in case you missed it), he told me that as he approached the group of guys getting ready to attack him, he remembered that he's always learned that in a situation like that to always go for the guy with gun. So he did. umm...what? where do you learn this? who teaches you this? what lesson involves "if you're ever in a situation like that?". does this happen that often? i've never learned anything like that. i guess, in my simple existence, teaching like that would not be particularly useful to me. but now i know. if you're ever in a situation where you are by yourself and there are a group of guys intent on harming you, always go for the one with gun. makes sense really i guess. but i never knew it. RM had always learned it somehow.
RM also told me a story about one time when he got jumped and some guys beat the shit out of him. They beat him until he was unconscious. According to RM he probably should have and could have died. Except he'd been taught how to make yourself aware of things and aware of your surrounding even when you're unconscious. So, even though, they had beaten him until he passed out, he still was somehow aware of what was going on, and managed to not totally slip off into sleep. And he lived. no one has taught me how to stay awake when you're unconscious. but someone taught RM. i want to know who taught him all this stuff. was it one really wise guy? or just stuff he picked up. it's good RM pays attention to the things he's learned.
RM also once told me a story about once, in his days as a Bounty Hunter, when he got drunk and was cleaning his gun. The gun went off, and he shot himself in the leg. "IHO!" he said. he got to the bathroom and cleaned himself up. he put a bandage on his leg. then he passed out. his girlfriend came home later. upon seeing the blood, she woke up RM, and asked him what happened.
oh, nothing, he said.
"you shot yourself didn't you?"
ha! not, "are you alright?", but "you shot yourself didn't you?"
sounds like a nice, sympathetic girlfriend.
perhaps that was same girlfriend that he taught all his tricks of the trade--various ways to harm/maim/kill/capture individuals, and then one night she went psycho on his and tried to use those tricks to kill him. guess no one taught him not to share too much "job information" with your girlfriend.
anyway, the day after RM shot himself he was supposed to go hunting with a group of his friends. RM, not wanting to be a wuss, decided to go along on the hunt anyway, even though it involved lots of walking, and even though he was totally hungover, and was feeling a little weak from the loss of blood.
RM's rationalization was that he figured he'd be okay, b/c he drank a lot of orange juice, and orange juice helps stop blood from flowing out of your body.
i always just thought OJ had a lot of vitamin C.
nice to know it has other uses.
i'm learning alot. but most of it comes from tv. the only advice i got recently that wasn't from the tv or from a story that should be on tv, came from my friend who said "if you put dirty fingers in your mouth, you might get sick". i won't say what the context of the story was where this was uttered, but it cleared things up for me.
you can always count on some words of wisdom from Mr. Rogers on Mister Rogers Neighborhood. But seriously, have you watched this show since you've become an adult? it's really creepy. i can't quite put my finger on it, but something about it really creeps me out. for years i couldn't watch it at all. but now that i only have 13 channels, i occasionally find myself watching Mr. Rogers for a couple minutes at a time. i usually only watch it for about 2 minutes, and then i get a good laugh and change the channel. this morning before my walk, i was flipping channels, and saw Mr. Rogers holding a ventriloquist dummy. holy crap. i had to watch.
now Mr. Rogers sort of creeps me out. ventriloquist dummies totally creep me out. but i have this horror/fascination with them. i have to watch them. but i start thinking they're real when i see them. inevitably. at least 90% of the time that i see one on the tv, i start forgetting that there is a person talking, and i start thinking the dummy is actually saying words. and it sucks me in. and then my mind scares me that it's been tricked so easily by a simple man and a wooden doll on the tv. i hate it. ventriloquists totally scare me. i don't understand who would ever feel compelled to become one. and i don't want to watch them. they are scary. but if i see on tv, i always have to watch it briefly. just to see what happens. and then i get scared and feel nauseous and have to change the channel.
and then this, today, Mr. Rogers AND a ventriloquist dummy---together?
holy crap. a total double shot of things that creep me out.
i couldn't look away.
i had to see what would happen.
the dummy was scary, but wasn't talking.
that was good.
Mr. Rogers was actually showing how the dummy worked, and that was cool. he had the shirt pulled back on the back of the dummy, and you could see all the levers inside. Mr. Rogers was explaining what all the levers did, and all the things you could make the dummy do. it was like an awakening. suddenly the dummy didn't seem real. you'd see Mister Rogers describing how certain levers make the dummies mouth move, and you see him move the levers, and then you see the dummies mouth open and close. but no words came out of the dummy's mouth. and good old Fred made the dummy move a little. it was cool. but then mister rogers said that certain levers could make the dummy's eyelids open and close. that sounded a little creepy. the camera panned away from the levers to a close up of the dummie's face. his eyes started blinking. i didn't like that one bit.
it was starting.
my heart rate began to increase.
i started to feel nervous.
the camera pulled back and showd the dummy sitting on Mr. Rogers lap.
oh no.
i wanted to change the channel, but i couldn't.
it was too late.
the dummy had sucked me in.
please don't make the dummy talk. please don't make the dummy talk.
my heart was racing.
he didn't make the dummy talk.
he just held it there.
thank goodness.
that might have made my head explode.
he did offer some words of wisdom though. thank goodness i had a pen so i could write it down.
"Ventriloquist dummies are like fancy puppets. But none of them are as fancy or wonderful as a real person".
Mister Rogers scares me
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