Friday = fire & a cameo by Vodka Hutch
On Friday---not friday from 3 days ago, but riday from many days ago (the friday after my parents left) mary and i had to go to work at the antique store. and it was fine and fun and good.
afterwards though, we were ready to party.
it had been a long week w/ my parents being here, and it was now the weekend, and for once the weekend was actually a "weekend" b/c we had worked all week.
so we wanted to drink.
so we did.
i made myself a nice tall screwdriver right after work.
mmm...yum. vodka and OJ. he takes a whiskey drink. he takes a lager drink. it'd been a while since i'd had some vodka.
since we ate out all week mary decided we should eat in that night.
and try to be somewhat healthy.
so she decided to make beans and rice.
beans and rice sounded fine to me.
i like 'em pretty good. mary flavors them up a bit. pretty tasty.
now don't get wrong, i wouldn't want to eat them everyday. be serious. it's not like they're potatoes or something. but i can eat beans and rice from time to time. especially since they're so cheap.
i start drinking my screwdriver.
mary puts some spices and ingredients into the beans and rice.
beans and rice gets done.
mary samples it.
"yikes" she exclaims. "it's a little spicy".
good i say.
i like spicy.
things that mary typically thinks are too hot, i usually like.
so i was excited for the beans and rice.
i stuffed a spoonful into my mouth.
ahh... a nice little bit of heat there.
"pretty good" i say.
and i shovel another spoonful down my throat.
and then my throat catches on fire.
WOOOOO. there's the heat. mary wasn't kidding.
hot. it's hot. no 2 ways around it.
hot. really really hot.
but it's good.
so i keep eating.
i'm washing it down w/ my screwdriver, trying to quench the fire.
my mouth is on fire. my lips are burning. my head is sweating profusely.
(side note: in the last couple of years my head has really begun to sweat when i eat spicy things. not just my forehead--the top of my head. soaking wet. it's sort of hilarious but sort of embarrassing. it doesn't even have to always be THAT spicy. sometimes barbecue chips will do it. that's just silly. chips only do it a little. really spice really does it)
i keep eating.
i open up a beer.
maybe the beer will work better than the screwdriver to put out the fire.
i alternate between beer and screwdriver. (everyone who likes spicy foods should know that water and soda do not quench the fire. they just make it worse. alcohol sometimes helps. milk supposedly helps, but milk would make me throw up)
i keep eating.
my mouth keeps burning.
i finish 1 screwdriver and get another. i finish the beer in record time and get another.
everything above my neck is on fire.
i'm blowing heat out of my mouth.
i touch the top of my head with the palm of my hand.
my hand is soaking wet. no kidding. soaking wet.
mary says its gross.
it's mary's fault.
the top of my head is like a small wading pool, and the resilient hairs on the top of my head-- the ones that haven't joined the growing army of hairs that have been leaving the top of my head in mass numbers in recent years-- they're soaked, like poor little kids who's floatation devices failed them.
it's not a pretty site.
mary gives up on the food.
she can't finish.
i'm determined.
i succeed.
but there is a cost.
that cost will be paid later.
MK, the neighbor stops by.
we offer him a beer and some rice and beans.
we warn him it's hot.
that's okay, he says.
he says he like spicy things.
we scoop him a bowl of fire as he tells us about some restaurant he went to one time and how he was the only person eating their most spicy speciality.
MK finishes the story and takes a bite.
MK announces it's a little hot.
MK takes another bite--this one followed by a big sip of beer.
MK is pretty quiet over the next couple minutes as he alternates between the food and beer.
MK announces he can't eat anymore and has to go home.
"take some with you" we say.
MK leaves 3/4 of the beans and rice still in his bowl.
the beans and rice are seriously seriously hot.
my mouth burns for the rest of the night.
by this time it's about time for mary and i to roll out and head to the dollar theater in san marcos.
we are going to see The Forty Year old virgin.
we are excited about this.
mary drives, b/c i'm starting to have a really good buzz.
i drink something else along the way.
we get to the movie.
the sound is terrible.
i can't hear anything.
i go to notify someone.
they say the sound is messed up and they can't fix it.
i go back.
i can't hear anything they are saying.
we get up and notify the manager that it's unwatchable.
she understands. she says she can give us our money back or we can see 1 of the other movies.
our 2 movie options are "into the blue", so terrible action movie with Jessica Alba and Paul Walker from fast and the furious, or "just like heaven" with reese witherspoon and mark ruffalo.
i don't know anything about that one, but i really like mark ruffalo, and i used to think reese witherspoon was hot.
we don't feel like going home since we just came into town.
mary is afraid that the blue movie scary. i dont' think it is, but i'm sure it will suck.
we decide to try out just like heaven.
and that, that was a mistake.
really really bad.
at least i'm pretty sure it was.
at least the experience was.
i tried to watch it.
the acting was ridiculous.
at some point i gave up trying to focus.
the massive amounts of vodka i had consumed started to take control.
i took a little nap in the theater and missed the middle 40 minutes of the movie.
i woke up and was dismayed to find out that the movie wasn't over yet.
i told mary we should leave.
she didn't want to.
she had to see what happened.
like her life would somehow be less complete if she didnt' know what happened, or that her life would be more fulfilled if she did find out.
so i sulked.
and then i started to feel sick.
and then i pleaded with her again to go.
again she said no.
she wanted to wait til the end.
i've known other people like this too.
no matter how terrible a movie is, they have to see how it ends.
i'm not one of those people.
i turn the thing off, or i walk out.
(especially if i'm drunk on vodka)
it's not like i do great things with my time, but i certainly have better things to do that waste an additional 30 minutes of my life with a terrible movie.
anything i could be doing would be better than being there.
but i'm stuck.
the movie ends.
it was stupid.
even in my altered state i could tell it was stupid.
haha.
mary was mad at me.
i hadn't realized at the time that i had drank too much vodka.
the spicy beans and rice is what did me in.
it was mary's fault.
Spicy Beans brought out the Vodka Hutch.
Vodka Hutch is a different creation. one day when things are slow i'll tell you more about him.
Vodka Hutch hasn't been around in a while.
we go home.
we get home at 9.30.
and Vodka Hutch is out for the night.
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