Hutch's TX Adventures 

Computers are stupid.

I have zero computers that adequately work. And no money to fix them. So there's no blog entries. The regular computer we have is totally on the fritz. It sometimes takes over an hour to boot up. Sometimes it won't boot up at all. And sometimes when it boots up, it will only work for a little. But then it started booting up better and working better. But now suddenly, the disk drive doesn't work, so i can't type up blog entries and save them to disk. i can only save them to CD. and i can't figure out how to re-use a cd, so that gets expensive, so i try not to do it. not that it matters, as i can't get the computer to load up today. which sucks, because i have some cds to burn and stories to type.

we also have a laptop. it's the devil. i think it killed the disk drive on the other computer. it's evil. mary got it 'fixed' and we were going to put wireless on it. most of the point to fix it was to get wireless put on it. they fixed it, but then said it's too old for wireless. excellent. thank you for wasing my money.

i hate the laptop.
but tonight, i typed up some blogs and saved them to disk.
that one you can do that.
but now here i am at the library trying to upload the blogs.
and it won't read the disc.
excellent.

so now there still no blogs.
and i have a great story to tell about my second night as a bartender.
it's a good one.

stay tuned.

i'll get it all here soon.
somehow.

Being 20 again

Last night we were down in San Marcos at the HEB grocery store picking up a couple essentials (eggs, bread, tortillas), and i figured i might as well pick up a 12 pack of Pearl since i was there and i was down to 7 or 8 at home. HEB is about the only place you can find Pearl, so i try to get it when i'm there. Pearl is one of the oldest TX breweries, and is referenced in the Terry Allen song "Amarillo Highway" and also in the David Allan Coe song "If that ain't Country". That's how you know it's good. AND Pearl Light only has 68 calories. 68 calories! that's about like drinking water. on top of that, a 12 pack of Pearl Light is only $4.99. That's a good deal.

So, at the HEB, i decided to get some.
Mary went and looked for it and said she couldn't find it.
that worried me. i'd been there before and it was out, and some of the other HEB's don't carry it.
but sometimes mary doesn't look very hard for things she doesn't want for herself so i went to look.
it was there. whew!
BUT....they had upped the price. 1 whole dollar it went up. that's a lot.
$4.99 is a great price for a 12 pack.
$4.99 makes me happy.
$5.99 not so much a good deal.
not so much increasing my happiness.

i wasn't prepared for the price increase.
so i just stood there like an idiot staring at the beer.
(this happens more often than i'd like to admit).
i couldn't decide what to do.
and then i saw my replacement: a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best Light---BOTTLES, for only $5.49.

now, normally, in the previous 30 years of my life i would have never once been excited, or even tempted to purchase any amount of Milwaukee's Best Light. it wouldnt' have even crossed my mind. but things have changed now.

at the Devil's Backbone Tavern, where i'm now a bartender, their every day all day special is Reds and Blues for $1.25. "reds" are Milwaukee's Best. "blues" are Milwaukee's Best light. every single morning there's a group of 5 or so old cowboys that come in there. they all drink blues. and it's cool. the bar doesn't officially open until 12, but usually at least 2 of the old cowboys show up before 12, and they come strolling in----already drinking a Milwaukee's Best Light. so..they are not only drinking beer before 12, they are drinking it in their car, on the way to the bar, and carrying it into the bar where they will proceed to order and drink more. is it wrong that i think that's cool?
there's an ad on the wall in the bar for Milwaukee's Best Light that says its for the older, distinguished drinker with selective taste or something like that. i can't say i'd ever seen an ad for it before.

but i've been thinking that's what i should drink.

so last night at the grocery store seemed like a perfect opportunity (although the old cowboys would probably frown that i was drinking it out of a bottle instead of out of a can).

so we go to checkout, and the cashier asks for my ID.
so i give it to her.
and she looks at it, and shows it to another girl there.
and the other girl tells her something.
i'm not really paying attention because i'm talking to mary.
it didn't really seem like anything i needed to pay attention to.
until the girl said "we can't accept this ID because it's out of state".
WHAT?
"what?" i say. "here, here's credit cards and other items with my name on it".
"I'm sorry, we can't take out of state ID's" she says.
and i throw a bit of a fit.
i tell her it's ridiculous, that she can clearly see that i'm not 21.
"i'm sorry" says the other girl, "she doesnt' have to accept out of state IDs".
and i ask if i look like i'm under 21.
"you don't look like you're over 30" she says.
BUT I AM 30, i say. and i certainly don't look like i'm 20.
i reiterate my point, and manage to not cuss them out.
and truthfully, if i wouldn't have needed bread, i would have left all my stuff on the conveyor belt, and left the store.
they don't deserve my business if they're going to be asses.

in a way it's humorous.
if there was a 20 year old that looked like me, i'd feel sorry for him.
i'm a solid 30 or 40 pounds heavier than i was when i was 20, and have the dreaded triple shot up top: a receding hairline AND am balding AND am going gray. it sucks to be a 30 year old and have that happening. it would really suck to be a 20 year old and have it happen. i don't think it happens that much.

they knew i wasn't 20.
i just took the stupid TABC class.
yes, in TX the only form of ID you have to take is a valid TX driver's license.
BUT that is too prevent underage drinkers who have a fake out of state ID.
it's not to prevent people from Virginia from drinking.
i didn't look 20.
they were stupid.
and i told them so.
and mary told me i was stupid for arguing with them.
but that's stupid too.
if someone wrongs you, you tell them.
and they wronged me.
so i told them.
they're stupid.
everyone is stupid.
HEB is particularly stupid.
i don't like to be denied my beer.
dang, i haven't been denied beer since the 90s, when i was cut off--TWICE--at my former favorite college bar.

guess i'll have to get a TX driver's license now.
then it's official.
then i'll be officially drunk.

i don't plan on going back to HEB though. at least not that particular one. i'd ban all of them except they have really good deals.
bunch of idiots.
sometimes TX is stupid

who needs a drink?

Pop a top again

Last night was my first night as a bartender. It was pretty exciting. It was a Sunday night, which would perhaps, at most bars, mean that business would be slow, but this bar doesn’t seem to have much in common with other bars. I figured there was a decent enough chance that there would be some patrons come in, especially since the NFL playoffs were on. I even watched a bit of the afternoon game just so I would be able to talk intelligently about it at the bar. I figured I already had enough going against me since I didn’t have boobs and whatnot---if the locals discovered that I didn’t even like football, I would certainly not make many tips—at a minimum—and would probably be banished from the bar forever. So I watched part of the game.

I showed up for my shift and saw 2 cars in the parking lot. That is NOT a lot of people. There were 3 or 4 people in the bar, and all of them left with the bartender when she left. So I was left there alone. Before theother bartender left, she and another bartender who was just in there drinking both gave me a couple hints about things to do and things to not do. They were both really friendly and helpful, which was nice. And then they left, and for 40 minutes I sat there at the bar by myself. It sort of sucked. I was beginning to wonder how long I would work as a bartender. The pay would not be very good without tips, and I can’t say that I was having the most fun. There are TVs there, which is cool. And there was segment on 60 minutes about Kinky Friedman that I wanted to watch. EXCEPT, the football game was on at the same time as the 60 minutes special, and even though Kinky is Texan, on the remote chance that someone might come in, I didn’t want them to think that I’d rather watch 60 minutes than a football game. I’m a male living in TX. I love football dammit! So I put the football game on the tv above the bar, and put the tv way back in the back corner on 60 minutes, and when the Kinky segment came on I went over there and watched it. (I thinking about this job WAY too much. I realize this. But I have nothing else to do). After 60 minutes, I quickly changed the channel back to the football game and went back to being bored. I figured maybe I’d catch up on some long distance calls. Then I realized I had no one to talk to. I had just talked to my parents a couple days earlier and had nothing new to say. They’re still worried about this whole RV thing and can’t quit asking questions about it, and they’re not really happy about me being a bartender anyway. One time, some years ago, I mentioned that a bartender might be a fun job, and my dad went off on some rant about it, and how he couldn’t ever bea bartender because he couldn’t feel like he was aiding alcoholics in getting drinks and killing themselves. And since he felt that way, he assumed I felt the same way. And his feelings are pretty preposterous. I’m sure that if I weren’t a bartender, the alcoholic would then decide he didn’t need a drink afterall. He certainly wouldn’t just buy a drink from whatever other devils helper had sold his soul and taken a job slinging drinks. Nor would he ever buy a drink from a grocery store or liquor store. No, if my dad and I never became bartenders, then certainly all the alcoholics would cease drinking and would be better. Yeah…right. So I didn’t call my parents to tell them that I was on my first day on the job. I tried to call my sister, but she didn’t have anything to say as I’d just talked to her the day before. And I couldn’t think of anyone else that I had anything exactly pressing to talk about with, so I just sat there. Finally, 45 minutes into my shift, a car pulled up. It was 3 Mexicans. Only 1 of them spoke english. And she didn’t drink. The others drank Buds. For about 3 hours. And didn’t tip me once. Holy crap. It pissed me off. And every time I brought them 2 drinks, the total was the same: $3.50. And half the time they would only give me $3. And that started to get on my nerves, especially when I knew I wasn’t going to get a tip. The lady tried to talk with me a little, but we didn’t have a whole lot in common. She asked if I got bored, and I said yes. She asked if my friends were allowed to come in and visit. I said they were. She apparently used to have a job cleaning a mall and she had to clean it at night after they locked up, and she said she was often bored and scared, so she would bring her husband along with her other, but her employers found out and told her that wasn’t allowed so she quit. And her husband was now dead, and the new guy with her was her boyfriend. Her husband was an alcoholic and drank himself to death.

I was pissed that the only people there were the 3 people there. I would have rather had no one there honestly. If no one was there, I could have at least sat down and watched tv. Since there were paying customers, I felt like I should stand behind the bar, even though there was nothing to do.

Another customer came in, and that was cool. He actually used to be a bartender at the place. He drank a beer and talked about some good music, and left me a $2 tip on a $2 beer. Good guy.

And then he left, and it was just me and the Mexicans, but then the fun started. A couple friends of mine came in, and they brought some friends, and Mary came in, and some of the regulars came in, and all of a sudden it was a big party. My friends loaded up the jukebox with 25 songs. (For some reason, there’s no music in the bar unless someone plays the jukebox. A bar is quite quiet without music FYI). So the jukebox blared out lots of great classic country songs. A few of the locals were pissed about the selection and kept complaining and asking me to skip the songs. (There’s a cool little button on the wall behind the bar that you can push to skip any song on the jukebox that you want to. It’s pretty cool). But you don’t skip someone’s song if they’re still there. Unless they play it 3 times in a row or something. So some lady complained and I said that the people that picked it were still here. I liked the song anyway, so was glad to tell her no. Then she complained again, and I said the same thing. When “Achy breaky heart” came on, I did oblige her though, and skipped it. She requested one more skip, which I politely declined==again. And then her songs came on—her measily 4 songs, and she made me turn it up loud. Stupid rednecks. I don’t think I like the regulars.

There were only a couple in there last night actually, but none of them were particularly charming or pleasant in any way. Thre is one guy there who is nice enough and helpful enough, but is a total lush, and apparently feels like he needs some more friends because he talks to everybody. Mostly drunken ramblings, but at least he’s nice. He’s trying to help out mary and I, which is nice, but he tells us it over and over and over. And he always (and by always I mean both times we’ve worked) stays until long after last call, and instructs us on closing procedures. Truthfully, I’m nervous about the closing procedures b/c we only had 1 2 hour training, but he doesn’t really help that much, and it just makes me flustered as he’s messing up my routine. But…he’s not bad. Just a bit sad and creepy. He winks at mary apparently. The night she worked, she said by the end of the night he was so drunk that whenever he tried to drink both his eyes would close. Nice. But he does have some helpful hints, and is good to have around, and tips at least a litle bit.

There were a couple other regulars in there. The owner’s son lives in a little apartment that is attached to the bar. Every morning, you have to get the hidden spare key and enter his apt and get the money bag and the bar key. And every night you have to enter his apartment and put the money bag and key on the table in his living room. Its really bizarre and a bit creepy, and I’m not really comfortable doing it, and don’t really like Mary having to that either. The guy is totally creepy, and totally a jackass. He came in there last night, and I sort of knew who he was, and mary said hi, and he gave her a creepy hug. It was clear he had no idea who she was, but she reminded him. Then mary tried to introduce me to him, and the guy had absolutely no interest in meeting me. Didn’t even acknowledge me at all. Which made it a tad awkward when he was back behind the bar going through stuff. There’s not really a lot of space behind the bar, and we’re both back there not speaking. Jackass. But, at least he’s easy going. According to CR, the regular, he doesn’t care if you drink on the job, or if people smoke up in the back space outside the bar. So that’s cool I guess. I don’t know if I trust him though. He’ll probably try to get me in trouble just because he only wants girls working there. There was only one more regular of note there. He had long hair, and was okay, but gave me a hard time for about 30 minutes saying I was the ugliest bartender they’d ever had and whatnot. He wanted to know how I managed to get a job there. I told him mary and I were a package deal. He saw Mary. He said he understood it then. He gave me a $2 tip too, which made him ok in my book, even t hough he promised that the ribbing would get worse later on. Yippee. Whatever. Maybe it won’t now that he likes mary. Everyone likes mary.
The hardest part of being a bartender is not drinking on the job. Especially when all your friends are there. So I did drink a couple. CR the regular bought me a beer so I had to drink it. And I had some of mary’s. It’s also hard knowing when to cut people off. The mexicans were hammered, and I had decided I needed to cut them off. Fortunately they decided to leave before I had to do it, and fortunately the lady nondrinker drove them home.
I actually made a decent amount in tips, but that’s just because my friends came in and drank a bunch. If they weren’t there I would have only made $6 or $8 in tips. And that would have sucked. Last night certainly didn’t suck though. I don’t mind getting paid to play shuffleboard and to drink beer and watch tv and listen to classic country music. Hopefully all of my Sunday shifts will go that good. Somehow I doubt they will though. But you never know…

quick hits

-the other night i jokingly asked mary if she was just using me for the money since i had to front most of the loot for the RV.
she said if she wanted a real sugar daddy, she'd go after someone who didn't live in an RV.
touche.
touche.

-i don't know if i ever mentioned this or not but for the first 3 months in TX i was obsessed with Sex and the City. i feel a little guilty about it, but whatever. only 2 things really bother me though: 1--that the one red headed friend is so unattractive. but i'm over that. the other is the stupid stuff carrie types on her computer at the end of each episode. i hate it 99% of the time. they totally stole from Doogie Howser, but Carrie's summations are nowhere near as good as Doogie's. Doogie was great.

-i'm over sex and the city now though. now i'm hooked on 24. i can only be hooked on 1 thing at once i think. 24 is intense

-have you seen those Geico ads with the cavemen? is it just me or does the one caveman look like he's trying to be Val Kilmer? watch it again when it comes on if you've never noticed. or then again, maybe you shouldn't. i can't even wach the commercial anymore because the resemblance disturbs me too much.

-holy crap. i got a new memory foam pillow. it is AWESOME. mary has had one for some time, but will never let me use it. a kind soul donated it to us and it was like new. i didn't know if i'd like it. but when we came back from VA the first night that i went to bed i had left my real pillow out in the car. the memory foam one was there so i used that as temporary thing. i still haven't gotten my real pillow out of the car. the tempurpedic memory foam pillow rules.

-all of my undershirts have shrunk. i have this one brand that i really like, and i never dry them. i think they got dried when i was home in VA and now they're all too small. NO, it's not just that i'm working on my beer guts. the shirts actually shrank. i found one that i left in TX when we went home for the holidays, and it still fit fine. now i need more undershirts. and i'm sad.

-we watched "Message in a Bottle" over the weekend. it looked like a sappy chick flick, but i'm a sucker for Kevin Costner movies, and i like Paul Newman too, and Robin Wright is pretty hot, so i figured it couldn't be that bad. i figured wrong. in the opening credits, when it said it was based on a book by Nicolas Sparks, i knew we were in trouble. some girl that i went out with at some time read those cheesy books he wrote. so i expected the worst. and i got it. holy crap. what a terrible terrible movie. why do they have to make chick flicks that are so bad? i've seen a couple that were at least watchable. i can't remember what they are at the moment, but there's some. Message in a Bottle? total crap. pure crap. just awful. so bad in so many ways. i'm mad at myself for watching it. i checked out that and ET from the library. i wish i would have just watched ET

the end

a rather boring but busy last week

This past week, like all weeks since we got back, and like most weeks since we’ve been in TX, was a blur. I have no idea what all happened. I subbed one day in gym class. That was awesome. Best sub job yet. There is an aide in the gym class, so she knew what to do, and knew all the kids, and I just got to sit there. the kids played 2 ball soccer in the gym. 2 balls at once. All I had to do was keep score. Simple enough. The kids were third to fifth grade and most of them started pissin me off. After a minute or so of playing properly they would start catching the ball and throwing it. I figured it wasn’t my place to say anything though since the aide was there. finally she reprimanded them, so I then I got to too. that was fun.

Also this week we went to our TABC class to get our certificate to be a TX bartender. That was a waste of four hours. The class could have easily been 2 hours long, but the instructor had a propensity for telling long pointless stories and informing us about all the things that he thought was wrong with the world. I didn’t learn much. Mostly the class is to put the fear of God into you. If someone is drunk in your bar and crashes you could go to jail. If someone underage drinks in your bar you could go to jail. Those I sort of knew. BUT there’s also wacky TX laws: the owner of the bar can’t be drunk in the bar or you get in trouble. And you are not allowed to ever be drunk in the bar where you work. That’s plain stupid. I understand not being drunk when you’re working, but not being drunk ever? TX is stupid. He also said that in TX the only place where you can’t get a Public Intoxication Citation (a “Drunk in Public” for VA folks) is in your own home. If you’re in a parking lot, in a car, or even in your own front yard you can get one. That’s dumb. Someone in the class asked what about if you were drunk in your home and the cops came and asked you to step outside to talk. The instructor said that you should invite the cops in—unless you’ve got drugs or something in the house.
He also said the TX is geographically 85% dry. That’s wacky. Maybe I’m in the wrong place. Maybe I’m an alcoholic.

I missed 2 questions on the exam by still got my certification. Mary said she got a 100 but she doesn’t really know. Either way, we’re both official now. Mary worked her first shift on Thursday night. It was exciting. She made over $30 in tips, but I suspect that at least $10 of that was from RM and MK who were up there for part of the night. Mary is getting on good terms with the regulars. Except for the one table of them that she pissed off.

I work my first shift tonight. I’m a little scared. We’ll see how it goes.

We worked one day at the antique store this week, and I worked almost every day doing the management gig. For the first time I started doing some stuff besides data entry. That was exciting. Maybe I can learn what I’m doing. Up until this week the only management duty I had done was going to wake up the one singer to get him ready for a gig. That was great. Phone rings and the other manager tells me to go wake up the singer b/c there was a cancellation and they had to get there quick. So I did it. It’s cool to do some other stuff. But, waking him up apparently made me $80. and that’s cool with me.

And we put a deposit down on the RV. Woo hoo! We took some pictures and I’ll try to post those this week. We took a tour of the RV park. It’s a little wacky. There’s one guy there who lives in a conversion van. Guess he uses the communal toilets and showers pretty frequently. Or then again, maybe he doesn’t, who knows. Unfortunately there is another RV there for sale as one of the most beloved residents of the park died 2 days before we left our deposit. She was apparently 82 and chain smoked and used to hang with Willie Nelson and kept the hand gun the size of a cannon in her nightstand.

The people that own the RV are quite cool. Total hippies. If they weren’t moving they’d probably be our friends. Even though they have a kid. They’re fun. The girl is 28, the guy is 42. they met in Thailand. She’s from TX, he’s from England. He built the addition to the RV. For a while they were carnies and made tons of money. No kidding. Did you know carnies made tons of money? I didn’t. but now that’s a possible money makin idea. It sounds hard though. But maybe worth it if things get tough enough. They told us how it all worked.

Friday we got pretty smashed with RM and MK. We drank lots of beer and a little tequila. In our first week in TX we met a guy who told us the secret of good tequila--- just get 100% pure agave he said. And then it didn’t matter. Since then we’ve had tons that were pure agave. And they were good. Saturday we had one that was pure agave. It almost made me yak. Twice. Guess it’s not true all of the time. Be warned. The previous weekend some people stopped by RM’s and gave him a real pretty bottle of tequila called milagro or something like that. Mary tried it and said it was smooth. We saw it in the liquor store the other day. It cost $73. yikes. Who would spend that much? What in the world? $73?! And it’s not even a huge bottle. Friday night they were drinking a different kind of milagro. It was not smooth and was not good. Blech.

Last night mary went out clubbing with some girls. I was invited but politely declined. I was just going to lay low and try to get some of my finances in order, but I went and hung out with some old college friends instead. It was good.

The end.

Our new home on wheels

Here it is. Pictures of the Beastess.
Let me take you on a photographic journey.

This first one is the self explanatory.


Here's the full view. Pretty cool eh?


When you walk in through the front door here's the view. This is the added on room. It's really like a little house.



If you enter and turn around, this is the door you just came in.



And here's a third view of what things look like from the extra room.


If you go ahead through the little doorway there you enter the actual RV. And here's the RV living room/combination dining room.



If you turn back around, you can catch a slight view of the kitchen dinette table, and also the view of the door you just came through from the sunroom.



If you turn another 45 degrees, here's the view down the RV hallway.



Here's the kitchen


And there's a bedroom, and some closets, and a teeny bathroom and a teeny shower. The bedroom is small, but pretty cool. None of the pictures really captured that. So let's go back outside, since we have a nice little yard.




This is the back door. Yup, and RV with a back door. I'm telling you. It's like a little house.



We have a shed/work room. it's pretty awesome. there's shelves, and a rod to hang clothes on, and a big work area. it'll be awesome.



And that's it.
It rocks huh?
Well, i think it does at least.
We're not quite sure when we'll move yet.
Sometime between now and May.
Hopefully soon. I can't wait.
Let the adventure begin!

Chapter 2: Bohemian Like You

So we need to move out of our cabin by May 15. That's for certain.
At Christmas, Mary decided she'd like it more if we moved closer to Austin.
I agreed that closer to Austin could be really cool.
So we started looking.
And we checked with our landlord, and she'll let us out of our lease as long as we stay thru March 12.
So we looked more.
And everything was expensive.
You dont' have much of an affordable price range when you try not to work.
I refused to live in an apartment.
That narrowed our options.
We saw a couple 'affordable' homes in a small town about 20 minutes outside of Austin.
they were nasty.
Then we found a place we loved.
And it's right in Austin.
Right in the coolest part of Austin.
And it's cheap.

So we bought an RV.

No foolin, we bought an RV and are going to be living right in the coolest part of Austin.
The RV is huge and has a ton of space. There's actually about the same amount of living space as in the cabin.
That's because there has been an extra room added on, and the room is awesome.
It's impossible to explain, but believe me, it's awesome. And big, and well lit, and is super cool.
ANd you can detach it from the RV if we want to put the RV on the road.

I like the RV as a house.
Mary wants to drive it.
That scares me.
But it will make a really cool house, and we're about 1 mile from the hippest coolest part of Austin, and after we buy it, the lot rent will be far cheaper than what we're paying now.

A new chapter begins. Chapter 2.
Actually Chapter 3 i guess. Chapter 1 was moving here and adjusting to life in nature and in a cabin and doing absolutely nothing for 6 weeks. Chapter 2 was getting some part time jobs. Chapter 3 will be the start of the Austin adventure.

I'll write more later, and we'll try to take some pictures.

Don't be scared to come visit us in the RV.
We have plenty of space, and 2 guest beds.
Life is grand.

2006

for this new year i'm going to at least try to keep track of all the concerts i go to.
probably won't be many reviews, but maybe.

so here's what i've done:

Eliza Gilkyson for free at Lucy's Boathouse
Darden Smith free instore at Waterloo (with FREE BEER). i love Waterloo instores
Hayes Carll at Saxon Pub
Adam Carroll and Scrappy Judd Newcomb for free at Gruene Hall on a sunny sunday afternoon.
Brandi Carlisle at Waterloo
The Gourds at Waterloo
Danny Schmidt at Cafe Mundi
Danny Schmidt, Jonathan Byrd, and Beaver Nelson at Momo's
Adam Carroll and Graham Weber at Waterloo
a bunch of Sidehill Gougers and Mark Jungers and dedringers shows.
Adam Carroll and Susan Gibson at Tavern in the Gruene.
Ray Wylie Hubbard w/ Gurf Morlix at Lucys
Mike Mcclure at Floores

Wimberley in the Winter sparked by Tequila

Ouch. My head hurts. It hurts bad. Really really bad. RM had some of his family members in town last night and so they wanted to party. It would seem as if we had met all of RM’s family by now, but apparently we haven’t. there were 4 people there last night who we didn’t know. Now we’re all best friends though. Mercy. We drank a lot of tequila. Shot after shot after shot. I was so drunk I even smoked a cigarette. I think it was a menthol. I don’t know what that means. I don’t smoke. That’s probably the first cigarette I’ve had in a year and a half. This morning it took me a while to remember that I smoked one. Then I remembered that I’m trying to get into a research study that has a very strict no smoking restriction. Smart. The one time I smoke a cigarette is the one time in my life when I’m not supposed to. Oh well. It’s so dry in TX that there’s fire bans everywhere. You can’t even grill out anymore. No kiddin. Perhaps that’s why we smoked inside RM’s house. I’ll hope that’s why. You’re not really supposed to smoke inside his house. But everyone was smoking. Gross. Cigarettes are nasty. My hand smelled like butt and my tongue tasted like ass this morning. Gross.

We had a lot of fun last night. Or at least I did. RM’s sister is EXACTLY like him. It’s scary. RM is a little insane and loud. You probably wouldn’t want to meet a female version of him. You wouldn’t even think that there could be such a thing. But there is. And she was there. Picture if you will a Hispanic Roseanne Barr. Who has blonde hair. That’s her. No lie. She was pretty funny. But also a mean drunk. There was a person there that she didn’t like. So she told her and made her cry I think. Yikes. One time a friend of mine who is latino told me that latino people are known for speaking whatever is on their mind. Guess it’s true.

We ate a bunch of sausage and beans and rice. Hey---how did he make the sausage? Hmm…. Maybe the grill ban is not in effect in the county we live in. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. And we drank lots of bud light. And then somebody bought tequila. And then we drank it. They had some special salt to put on your hand. It was called “twang”. It was fun. The Hispanic Roseanne called it ‘twat’. All night long. Lots of jokes about ‘lick the twat’. Roseanne.

I don’t know what else happened really. We laughed a lot. Lots of it was funny. Then I was really drunk so I had to go home. Mary wasn’t ready so she stayed. Neither of us remembers why. I don’t remember getting back to the cabin at all, although I do remember being too tired to play w/ the gus, so I just scooped him up and let him sleep with me last night. (I have a rule that if I’m out late and have abandoned the Gus for several hours that I have to sit up w/ him at least an hour before I go to bed. Thems the rules).

And then I woke up and was confused. And my head hurt. And I’m not supposed to take any medicine b/c of this study. (but I had to take 2 ibuprofen anyway. I’m a rebel). When I looked out the window I saw some newspaper scattered in the back yard. And I had a bad feeling. I knew what it was. Yesterday I made a special trip into to get the Austin Chronicle. It comes out every Thursday and tells you all the cool stuff to do in town for 7 days after that. It is essential reading. And it was already Saturday and we didn’t have it, so I had to go get it. Whenever we get one late we always find out about something cool that happened the day before. This time? Not a damn thing happening all week. Nothing. Stupid week. Whatever. But I read it outside in the sun because it’s fun to sit outside in the sun in the middle of winter. But then I was really tired b/c Friday night was a really late night so I was too tired to carry the Chronicle inside. And I left it there over night. And last night the wind apparently blew really hard. And the Chronicle was EVERYWHERE. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. I saw the first page of it in the back yard against the fence. When I opened the front door I saw Chronicle pages all over the place. Like it had snowed, but instead of snow flakes there were Austin Chronicle pages. Dang. They were everywhere. And no 2 pages were together. The wind was angry at the Chronicle. It was sort of funny, but not so funny when you can hardly stand up and when it makes your head explode by bending over. But I had to get it up so I did. I rounded up the first couple pages in the back yard. Then I went over and got some pages out of MK’s yard, which is next to ours. There were some pages that got caught in the tree in between our house and his. I scooped them up. Then I started collecting the pages from our front yard. And then pages had flown over into the other cabin beside ours—the Well House. So I picked up some in between our house and the well house. There was a golf cart parked in front of the Well House. Apparently RM or one of his siblings was bunking in there. and as I bent over to get another page, the dog Deuce barked loudly and scared the begeezus out of me. So RM must have been in the house. And Deuce was mad b/c he was stuck outside. But I had work to do so I continued. I got all the pages out of the yard of the Well House. Pages had blown into the yard across the street too, so I got them. And I balled them all up and threw them away. The end.

So I had to drink lots last night. On Friday night we went out on the town and I refrained from drinking too much so that I could get us home. Mary did not. She tore it up hard. So I was due. Friday night was perhaps the funnest night I’ve had in TX. And I’ve had a lot of fun ones, so that’s saying a lot. But Friday night was great. Just totally great. The kind of fun we used to have, that we haven’t necessarily had in a long time. The first couple months in TX were really fun for me, but not so much for mary. And things were difficult between us pretty often for a variety of reasons, but things have been really good lately, and it’s awesome. I would have thought it would be hard to like TX anymore than I was already liking it. But I’m liking it even more everyday. And Friday was just sort of a culmination of that. On the surface it certainly doesn’t sound like anything extraordinary or anything, but it was just fun. I was pretty stressed heading into it as I was trying to line up plans with 3 separate couples. And it was hard to get it lined up, and one of the couples bailed, but it all worked out. We were going to go check out Artz rib house for the first time, which I was looking fwd to, but brad wanted to go to a place called 219 that had great happy hour deals, so we agreed to do that. I did not realize though that 219 was downtown. And downtown on a Friday night is pretty much packed up. And I’m frugal so refuse to pay for parking. So we drove around downtown for about 10 minutes looking for parking. I was pissed. I was mad we went down there. I was cussing. But whatever. I wouldn’t say anything about it, I’d just never go back. And we get to the place and it’s totally hipster swanky. Seriously. Sort of like the Blue Light Grill in Cville. Fortunately, since it was one of the few times we actually were getting to go out, mary had made me dress up, so I actually fit right in. And the hipster place was totally packed out too. brad and gwen had gotten there 15 minutes earlier and were still waiting for a table. And we had to be at a concert in less than 75 minutes so I was really stressed. And starting to be mad. And the whole time we were looking for a place to park I had to pee so bad it started to hurt. So that made it worse. But I was going to try my best. And after I got to pee, and after I ordered a drink, suddenly everything was better. Alcohol is my friend. Fortunately, brad and gwen had snagged a corner couple of seats at a bar, so we ended up just getting our food and drinks there. and they were great. And we had fun. I had a couple $2 beers, mary had a couple $4 martinis. We got some fancy little mini cheeseburgers with mozzarella and basil and something else, and they were really really tasty and were half price. And the fries were half price too. all apps half price at happy hour. YUM. We will go back there. it was really good, and nicely priced, and the bartender was super---she left off one of mary’s martinis, so she got a nice tip.

After dinner we went to a concert and met up with some of my other friends. It was really crowded in the place, but it was super fun. And for the first time in a long time Mary had a good time at a concert, which made everything so much more fun. I was really really happy. It was one of my favorite singers too, which made it even better because previously she had thought she didn’t like him.

After the concert we went over to our other friends house and drank and told stories and watched My Name is Earl off of the Tivo. Oh---holy crap. I almost forgot. There at their house was one of their other friends who I had met before. I met her at Ginny’s Chicken Shit that one time, and she told me how she had won the Chicken Shit Bingo the first time that she ever played and then she never played again. Smart. She was cool.
So it was fun that she was at their house, and she was talking some—cuz normal people usually talk—and I was listening, she totally sounded foreign. Which is fine, except that I had met her before. And talked with her before. And I had no idea she wasn’t from here. It made my head hurt. Here she was talking, and her accent clearly didn’t sound Texan or Midwestern or any kind of American variation. I wanted to lean over and ask Mary if she knew that this girl was foreign, but I knew that I had had a couple of drinks and perhaps I wouldn’t be too adept at using my inside quiet voice. So I just sat there. But she kept talking. And I couldn’t get over it. And it kept bothering me. And so when she mentioned something about how they used a certain kind of fillings where she was from I blurted it all out. “You’re not from here huh?” I said. And I told them all the stuff that had been going through my head. And they laughed at me. She told me she was from Macedonia. “Cool” I said. “that’s the former Yugoslavia” she said.
And I thanked her for telling me that, because I had no idea where Macedonia was, nor did I know anything about it. Truthfully, I don’t know anything about Yugoslavia either, but at least I have heard Yugoslavia, and can comprehend what Yugoslavian means. I have heard of Macedonia but have no template for it. Yugoslavia is better, but Macedonia sounds cooler.

And that’s what happened this weekend for the most part. Mary went horseback riding yesterday. She signed us up for some loser social group. Not just signed us up—gave them money! But it’ll be good for her because it gives her things to do like ride horses. And we might meet some cool people. I doubt it, but we might. While she was doing that I rode into San Marcos and sold some cds to the music store. I was psyched. Before moving to TX I sorted through all my cds and pulled out all the ones that I didn’t want anymore. Holy crap. There’s lots of them. Ones that were selling on ebay, I sold there and got some $$. But there’s lots that aren’t big sellers. Earlier in the week I had taken a bag of them to Cheapo discs. Somehow I had decided in my mind that they would pay me the most. I had decided wrong. They offered me 6 bucks for the whole stack. I politely declined and the guy apologized for offering so little. Whatever. So I walked down the street to Waterloo and tried to sell them there, and they only wanted 2 cds out of the whole stack, but offered me $6 for just those too. that sounded good to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do with all the other cds I had though. So on the way to San Marcos to get the Chronicle yesterday, I decided I’d try to sell them to the cd store there. and they guy offered me $9 for half of the cds. ROCK! So the last 5 cds in the bag I don’t know what to do with. I guess I’ll donate them to goodwill or something. I’m totally pleased with my $15 for cds that I don’t want anymore. And I still have dozens to sell.

I love Texas. I really truly do. And there’s lots of exciting things on the horizon, which I’m really looking forward to. We might move closer to Austin, which is very exciting. I love it out here in the middle of nowhere—I really do. And there will be lots that I miss about it, but it will be awesome to be so close to so much stuff—IF we do it. And I’m certain that mary would like it a LOT better closer, so it’d be cool. And this morning, for the first time ever, I found something that truly sucks about living in a small town: there’s no Hardees. I’m so hungover that I don’t have the energy to make any food. But I could certainly drive to hardees to get a biscuit. Mmm… and that would make me feel good. But there’s no hardees here. There’s nothing here. I don’t’ know if the Dairy Queen has breakfast, and if they do, I don’t want it anyway. There’s a place called Mimas that has really good breakfast tacos, but I think they’re closed on Sundays so it’s not worth venturing out. So I’m hungry. Really really hungry. And I don’t know what to do. I can’t focus. I need food. There’s no good tv dinners in the freezer, and I don’t want a sandwich and don’t want cereal. And there’s nowhere to do. Dang.. I miss Hardees.

But back to TX. Know what I love about TX? Well, everything, but specifically, I am loving the winter weather. Holy crap. Our first week back it was in the upper 80s a couple days, and it’s been at least 70 every single day. Sunny and sunshine. I love it. Most Texans are praying for rain since it’s so dry. I’m selfish and self centered. I like the sun. It’s fun. (although it really is getting pretty dusty around here. When I go outside in my slippers they get covered in dust. I don’t like that it. So I guess we could use a little rain so that my slippers don’t get dust on them). But the sun makes me so so happy. Every day I get to wear a tshirt. One day last week I was working and had worn jeans and a collar shirt. I was so hot I could hardly stand it. I ended up getting off work early and as soon as I got home I changed into shorts and a tshirt, and put on some flip flops, and sat outside drinking gin and tonics. Gin and diet tonics actually. Did you know that tonic water has calories? It does. 60 or 80 or something like that. That’s just plain silly. It’s water! What the heck? It’ll be diet tonic water for me please. I’m sure there is some difference in taste, but I can’t tell. It makes me thankful every single day to be here. 70+ degrees in the winter suits me just fine. It might get cold one day, but it’s not now, and I love it. This morning, w/ my fuzzy hungover head, I was sitting outside with the Gus, wearing my comfy lounge pants and slippers and my super faded Eagles t shirt. I was looking for my special orange shirt that I’ve had since 1991. I don’t own a more comfortable shirt. It’s so thin and worn that it’s perfect. When you’re hungover you need to wear comfy things. I needed that shirt, but couldn’t put forth the effort to find it in the pile of clothes on the floor. But I found the Eagles shirt (because I had worn it yesterday and it was still on the top of the pile) and although it’s only from 1994, it’s still pretty worn too and is a good comfy shirt for a hungover morning. So outside, in my faded Eagles t shirt drinking some iced tea for breakfast, I was a little cold. And I was mad because I had to get up and put on my favorite blue and red Lebowski sweater jacket. And then I laughed because I realized that I was mad that I had to be wearing a sweater jacket in the morning in the dead middle of winter. It’s probably 59 degrees outside. And it’s winter. TX is awesome..

Back in TX: High temps and High paying Jobs

We got back to TX just in time. It was 86 my first day back. 86 degrees in January is awesome. It was in the high 70s and 80s every day of my first week back. That weather suits me just fine. I got back just in time for us to get another job. The neighbor MK was taking a trip to Mexico, and wanted us to run his store. It was great. We took the Gus to work with us, and hung out in the sun. We had a blast. And we made money. And then the other antique store called us up and wanted us to work Friday and Saturday and Sunday. So we did that too. Our first week back we made $250 in cash money. That rocks.

We are working fools now. I signed the management contract when I got back and I am now officially a manager of a band called The Sidehill Gougers. I’m totally excited about the opportunity. I will be co-managering with the guy I’ve been ‘interning’ with. He totally knows what he’s doing, and knows everyone. I’m going to learn a ton, and hopefully make lots of connections, and make a little money along the way. For the first time in my life I’ll actually be getting paid for my passion. And that’s pretty cool.

AND, as if that isn’t enough, things lined up, and Mary and I both got hired as bartenders at that cool little bar in town that I once talked about. They mostly wanted Mary. They said most of their customers tend to prefer to look at pretty ladies than hairy legged cowboys. I couldn’t argue with them. But they were so short staffed, that they agreed to hire me on too as a relief bartender. It’s awesome. You get paid $25 per 6 hour shift plus tips. And, as is most business, it’s cash money too. You actually just take $25 out of the drawer at the end of the shift. Totally crzy. Totally fun. I’ve got so much other stuff going on that I actually don’t want to work very much, but I think 1 or so shifts a week would be a ton of fun, and would certainly give me some good stories to tell. Hopefully we can each work a couple shifts. The pay isn’t huge, but should be decent enough if anyone tips, and you get a free beer at the end of each shift. Oh---and anytime you come in there when you’re not drinking you can drink any beer that you want for only $1.25. Membership has its privileges.

So, as a person trying hard not to work hard, I now have 5 jobs. 5. Substituting at 2 antique stores, substitute teacher, band manager, and bartender. But I love every single one. Well, not substitute teaching, but that one’s easy enough too, and I can turn it down anytime I want. And I can turn down the antique gigs if I need to too. And I can do the management gig anytime I want. (And I like doing it). And the bartender gig--- you pick your own shifts. Life is grand.